It's very moving and inspiring, but all of it are just sugar coated lies. I believed in it too much that eventually my mind had set this impossible expectations about guys. I had created the ideal guy in my imagination, I imagine that guy to understand me, that he would express his feelings to me without having any problems about it and I expected him to go with me anywhere, everytime. From my past experiences, well I can't argue with the fact that those guys that I had this special connections with are really keeping up with my expectations, but there is a huge catch, because all of those awesome conversations, sweet lines and heart melting promise never lasts. One day, I had completely fallen under their love spells then as immature as I was before I'll blurt out the 3 crushing words (I love you), I never thought twice about them, I always fall inlove too much and too soon. Why? It's because that's what happens in the movies that I watched, when they feel it they say it, then everything will be fine. And I'm stupid enough to believe that it would be that easy in real life. I later on learned that relationships are very complicated, I love you is not an assurance because some people in the world of romance are very good in lying and in taking advantage. Once you said "I love you" to the wrong person and/or at the wrong time you're heart will end up crushed on the floor. So you really have to be very careful.
now, I had realized how desperate I had been because of being a chick flicks and romance movies junkie. I had devaluated my own self because of those stupid beliefs and I had made a fool out of myself. The heart breaking part is not when every single person whom I had told I love you, toyed with me around and then eventually left. It's actually the part when I let those jerks and scumbags get into me, I let them to make me do it to myself, oh no scratch that, I did this to myself. I felt unworthy, stupid, desperate, degraded and unloved.
I inflicted a huge damage to my self but I have a good news for those who care.
"I now knew how stupid I have been, I will never be that desperate anymore, I won't chase anyone anymore, I won't expect from anyone anymore, I now know when to draw the line and to say 'enough' when I had enough, I won't base my life on crappy movies and fairytales anymore, I'll create my own happy ending. I'm getting better, stronger but still recovering. slowly recovering. "
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